I met with Ricky's school psychologist yesterday and we went over his whole history. He's already had academic testing and she's going to start on social/emotional and speech testing, among other things. I expected her to be a pain in the butt as many of her colleagues have been in the past, but she was actually very sympathetic. I so far have high hopes, especially after hearing her say that he had a number of issues that qualified him for special education (which is what I feel he needs at this point).

At the parenting class last night, it came up in discussion that one sign of a learning disability in a child is him not respecting other people's personal space, getting in their face, not understanding proper social cues. Ricky has this occur quite frequently, and yet the school psychologist claims that it is impossible to diagnose a learning disability before second or third grade or so. The teacher of my class disagrees.

The parenting class was great too, by the way. We had some great activities within small groups.

Guess that's it for now. I'm leaving work in about 25 minutes 2 o'clock PST to take Ricky to the eye doctor. He has amblyopia and a lazy eye and his eye has been crossing again, so I think he's going to need a stronger prescription. Oh boy, expensive glasses to buy again! Ugh!

psych and school stuff

I took Ricky to see his psychiatrist yesterday (he goes once a week). Dr. Cendana brought Ricky out of their session looking rather grim. I don't pry into what they talk about, but Ricky knows he can tell me if he wants to.

On the way home, the school psychologist finally called me back. I've been leaving her messages for weeks in regards to the assessments Ricky is supposed to be having for his IEP. The only message I'd gotten from her was that they had no record of a previous IEP, which horrified me because a whole stack of papers from the school district (who did testing on him last May) was supposed to have come over in August. Well, so this time she told me that she'd found the paperwork and was going to take it home and read it tonight.

So, anyway, I'm meeting with her next Thursday morning at 9 a.m. to discuss Ricky, and then she's going to start testing him at 10 a.m. that morning. She was making comments like, "Oh, we don't need to do such-and-such testing, they already did it in May." I informed her that lots has changed since then and I'd prefer if they did all of the testing over again. She also mentioned that he's been traumatized by this whole thing with his dad moving out[October of this year] and such, and maybe the results of the testing would be skewed. Nice try. I assured her that his behavior has been awful for several years, having nothing to do with recent events -- something she'd've known if she'd already reviewed his paperwork.

When we got home, the lady from the YWCA (where that "Parenting the Child With Challenging Behavior" class is held) finally called me back and got me all registered for the class, so I hurriedly fed the boys and took them to my mom's, and then I was off to the class!

The class was really great. The therapist who runs it is a little abrupt and brusque, but she knows her stuff. The bulk of last evening was taken up by us introducing ourselves. Several of us (me included) got pretty emotional. Many of the kids represented there have ADHD, as they say Ricky does (I'm still in denial, and proud of it). Some also have ODD, as Ricky probably does. There were a few parents of kids on the autistic spectrum (PDD, autism, Aspergers) and some bipolars and others. I actually felt fortunate that Ricky's problems are as "mild" as they are.

Afterwards I drove to my mom's and got the boys (who were asleep). I stayed up too late, went to bed, and got up around 7:15 this morning. We were sure running to get ready in time. Both boys had to eat at day care, and as a result I forgot to give Ricky his Risperdal. Ack!

day care etc.

I qualified for a YWCA class on "Parenting the Child With Challenging Behavior" but it starts tonight so I really have to get my butt in gear to pay for it and get babysitting! My mom will probably watch the boys for me if I go. It is every Thursday night for six weeks so I will miss pinball league if I do sign up for it. I think the class is more important at this point if I want to prove to CPS (not that I should have to, but oh well) that I am a good parent.

I had to pick Ricky up from day care early yesterday because he wet his pants. I was pretty angry with him but eventually cooled down and explained to him that even if he's having fun, he needs to go use the potty so things like that don't happen. The problem with him is that he waits till the last minute and then it's too late. He's six years old, for Pete's sake! I know I should be patient.

When I picked him up the teacher told me that they'd run out of backup clothes for him because they'd sent him home in them so many times. I've never seen these clothes and didn't appreciate the accusation. I bet this all happened back when Rick still picked them up (pre-November). Whatever!

Today we all woke up late so Ricky was going to eat breakfast at school. The teacher there informed me that she was not trained to give medication and therefore I'd have to give it to him before I left (he gets enzyme pills with every meal because of his CF). I grilled her a bit and found out that only two people at the center are trained to give medication to children, which I found pretty alarming. At centers he's been at before nobody had to be trained. They just did it. I expressed my concern and she agreed with me. I guess I'll be calling the director.

trouble at day care

Ricky's day care called and said he'd been hurting himself and other people and they put him on the phone with me. He said he just wanted to come home and he wanted his mom. I couldn't leave, so I had my mom go pick him up. I guess he told her similar things.

I just called the day care and asked the guy (Josh) who had called, exactly what had happened. He said Ricky started out hitting people with his sweater -- swinging it around. Josh told him to stop so he got mad and threw his glasses on the ground, and then stomped on them. Josh took the glasses away so Ricky wouldn't break them, and Ricky got mad and went around stomping on everything, grabbig scissors and trying to stomp on them too. In Ricky's version, the other kids were laughing at him because he was crying, but Josh said that didn't happen.

I called Dr. Cendana (the psychiatrist) after I sent my mom to get him, and he suggested upping the Risperdal dose to .5 in the morning (he was only getting .25). We are going to be seeing him on a weekly basis, so hopefully things will start to work out. I hope. I don't know what's going on in his head. Meanwhile Dr. Cendana said if something emergent happens, like he's hurting himself or others, we need to call Eastfield Ming Quong or take Ricky to the emergency room at Stanford, and no other emergency room. For now, though, things seem to be under control.

Ay yi yi!

I am so angry!!!

At about 4:45 yesterday I got a call from Ricky's school principal. Apparently he had grabbed another child's arm and dug his nails in, causing bleeding.

The other child got first aid and was fine, and Ricky had 20 minutes time out and a meeting with the principal, who told Ricky that if this sort of thing happened again he'd be suspended.

Ricky's story was that the other child hurt him first, but the teacher was pretty sure this was not what she'd observed, and in speaking with the principal the true story came out, that no child had hurt Ricky.

I informed the principal that Ricky has been seeing a psychiatrist, has oppositional defiant disorder, and has an IEP (something the principal was inexplicably unaware of). He gave me the name of the school psychologist and suggested our doctor call her. She is only in 2-1/2 days a week, which seems really weird to me.

Okay, fine, Ricky did something naughty and I told the principal I understood the severity and that I would talk to him...

I picked Ricky up at day care and the director informed me that CPS had called her! (That's Child Protective Services for the uninformed.) I couldn't believe my ears. She told them that the day care had had trouble with him too and that they were working with him (really well, I might add -- maybe even better than the school).

I was boggling at the fact that CPS had been called and asked her why she thought this had happened (she did know about the incident at the school). She said she thought maybe the school was thinking someone was hurting Ricky at home, because he was hurting other children. Sounds reasonable, right?

Now, excuse me, but Ricky has not a bruise or mark on him, and every dealing that either of his teachers or the principal have had with me shows that I am a caring and compassionate parent. What right or proof have they to report me to CPS? This is insane.

I know that day cares and schools are required to report suspected abuse, but in my opinion this goes beyond that because there is no reason to suspect abuse. Anyone who looked in his file would see that his behavior disorder diagnosis is the probable explanation for his acting out yesterday.

Am I crazy, or isn't this right?

Update 11/30/01 6:30 p.m. PST: I sent a note to the teacher in Ricky's correspondence envelope this morning, asking why CPS had been called. She called me at work and told me she'd done some investigating and it was apparently not someone at school who had called. So I wonder who it is? The plot thickens!

NICU then & now

Today Ricky (almost 6) and I visited the NICU where he spent the first 7 weeks of his life.

There we saw several familiar nurses' faces, and actually saw Ricky's social worker (Melody -- who told me about CFRI, the best CF non-profit out there!) and primary nurse (Kris). They were just amazed at how tall he has gotten. We see the nurses every year or so but he changes so much in between!

I just now realized I wanted to add here that not only has Ricky grown up... But so have I. I was look so naive back then. These years have been hard but rewarding. I have grown and changed so much!

Ricky's home. :D

Ricky update

Well, Ricky is doing pretty well. He still has some "crackles" (mucus/pneumonia) in his right lung which means he'll be in the hospital at least a few more days. His spirits are, as always, high, and he's being really good about his treatments, which is definitely a "turn around the corner". I feel I can leave him there on his own a little bit more each time he is in... I have actually spent a couple of nights away from him now and he's done fine.

I want to thank you all for your generosity and concern. Ricky's been sicker than usual this past year or so, but I (and the hospital) am taking care of him the best I can.

Ricky's in Club Med(icine)

Well, with the shortest interval ever (2 months) between hospitalizations, Ricky is in again. He's had this cough/pneumonia for several weeks that he just couldn't kick. This time we tried almost everything, from 4 treatments/ThAIRapy Vest per day to Prednisone (steroid) which tends to make him agressive.

I feel better that at least we tried everything we could before putting him in the hospital, but this is all still pretty depressing.

He's being his usual wonderful self. For the first time ever, we are going to try having me sleep at home rather than spending nights with him... Mostly because Rick goes to work very early and I'll need to be the one who takes Andy to day care. Also because Ricky's getting older.

We did receive some bad news from one of Ricky's favorite nurses, Katherine. That is that Ricky's roommate from his stay in November of last year recently died. His name was Adam, and he was only 16. He also had cystic fibrosis. Ricky really looked up to him and admired him (he has a serious love for the "big kids") so I felt I had to tell him the news. He handled it well. He cried a little bit and laid his head on me. But he has the best of human nature... Since I told him he is now talking about the stuff he and Adam did together when they were roommates.

The hospital visit got off to a bang start (after four hours of waiting for a nurse to take a history and vitals) with Ricky kicking and trying to bite the respiratory therapist. The nurse and I quickly established a sticker chart (which we do at home anyway) with hospital routines (taking meds, doing treatments, eating meals, being good at recreation therapy, etc.) on it and the next treatment went well.

In the usual hospital fashion, Ricky's sharing the four patient room with one baby with seizures (no problem) and... TWO CF kids! Big no-no (cross infection)! The docs are really going to hear from me in the morning! Otherwise it's going routinely. Thankfully my work is understanding...

If you want to send Ricky a card, for the next 7-10 days you can write him at:

Richard Whicker
Patient
Lucile Salter Packard Children's Hospital
725 Welch Road
Palo Alto, CA 94304

More later. Right now I need to get my beauty (ha!) sleep.

various things

Ricky continues to do very well in Kindergarten. We had a momentary panic yesterday with the after-school day care because they never received his folder (with doctor's forms, medication order, you know, all that important stuff) from the center that had him for the summer. Apparently no one had bothered to call the director at the other center, because when I called her she said, "Oh yeah, it's right here!" I volunteered to pick it up and run it over to the center he's at now. She couldn't run it over herself because of the required staff to child ratios. So I ran it over (in my oodles of spare time, don't you know) and it's all good now.

I got my final permanent crown put on yesterday after work. That's five I've gotten this year, and that's apparently all I need for now! Hooray! I actually have more now than my husband, the man with the bad teeth. It all comes from being a grinder/clencher... A subconscious habit I still catch myself doing -- drives me nuts!

Rick took Ricky up to Stanford for what we hoped would be the last segment of his cognitive testing -- he seems to wear out and not pay attention after awhile. It didn't get completed yet again and he'll have to go back for more.